| Oct. 6th, 2005 @ 11:14 am remedial life's anonymous labors |
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Current Mood:  waiting
Current Music: Weezer: Make Believe (sincerely. you have to hear this.)
you know what's interesting is that it's been so long since I've spent more than a few minutes online a day, that my typing has suffered severely. Once I could fly along the keys like a fingertip ballet, feathering strokes accurately and proficiently with all the grace of a spring swan in show. Lately I feel a little more like a thumbing jackhammer in slower motion, only with marginally less finesse and aptitude. How strange it is. Molasses on a rainy day, right? Slow, sweet, inconvenient?
I think I'm off in some sort of strange limbo land. An odd form of mental purgatory as I enact some changes or so around me. It's like a whirlwind with an eye in the center, one where little happens, where sounds are often damped and muted, and where the storm surrounding lets little of the outside world in for recognition or ascertainment. Like a misted window on a cold winter morning minus the intricacies of frost... just vague colors and ghosted information to decipher.
It's interesting and poetic but a tad losing on the trail you know?
So the whining musings first, since I haven't been here for, say, at least a presidential administration.
yeah so the ex-girlfriend of several months ago has decided that it is now and finally her idea to separate and commands silence, non-recognition, incommunicado, from both sides. this is fine with me. I won't bother anyone with the backstory because it's fairly well cliche for a new millennium relationship, especially for one that started online. Exceptions: we really were who we said we were (don't want to hear anyone's contradictions on their own behalf. let's face it: most online relationships begin with a lie.), and we really were serious about wanting to be somewhere. turns out it was just not somewhere that necessarily involved one another. Fair enough. I like peanut butter and bananas but they're never going on a piece of bread congruently, right? Fine. It's a future that works for some (though often, not without honey), just not for me.
the job: let's also face this inarguable truth: retail IS purgatory and WILL eventually either prove your salvation (even your possible martyrdom, I don't care if you're catholic or not) or it will prove your utter, eternal, and cosmic demise, having sucked your soul of all vitality, veracity, and humane saturation. Fine. Who wants a pastel soul anyway? Pastels tend to bother me as it is: half-assed colors. Colors that don't care enough to actually show when called upon. Lazy saturation. Ask me about mauve and I'll show you a goddam maroon that knows what's what.
Yeah so the boss is a lonely guy who really should stop trying to hook up with his subordinate female employees. we have "new girl" who looks like denise richards at 18, with a dash of modern day east india tea HIPPiE added to the mix (don't ask me for the history of the east india tea company, I don't want to go into that right now). She's old enough and experienced enough with body to know that she can flutter here, pout there, quote Henry Miller here, Vonnegut there, drink her chai and wear her low cut lace blouses, and bossman will do as she says. problem is she's not old enough to know that this works on lonely older men to the point of possible feelings and may induce them to send emails to her saying as such, so that said e-sweet-nothings may be intercepted by her power-hungry fiancee who may then also be forced to take action involving our corporate HR department.
said boss has abruptly been on leave for what has now been quoted to be a time period of a "week or more." whatever that means. let's not forget that this author's friend lisa, who applied only recently to our humble camera shop, has called and stated that she has been offered management in the "denver market." Ladies and gentlemen, in my company, my store IS the "denver market." We have but three stores. And only one of them is in "the denver market." hmmmmmmmmmmm...
yeah so other than that: life isn't so bad. gotta get okayed by the overlords at HOA (we won't go into the possible acronyms that we could make from those three letters, though you all are by all means condoned, urged and otherwise pleaded with to do so) to get all four windows replaced before the winter snows finally arrive (and they are coming, fall is moving pretty fast in his new sneakers these days). Also must look into debt consolidation so that I can save myself from the destructive post-divorce financial aftermath that is attempting to occur.
yeeha.
heavy.
I shall go over the "new" girlfriend aspects of life in due time. It suffices to say, however, that things there are fabulous and that she is more than lovely and that there is a distinct possibility that she is way out of my league, though please don't tell her so. I have to keep her believing that I am cool enough to stick with.
also it is yet another random act of beauty, this colorado fall. it is early to mid autumn that causes this state to rule more than any other. that and our continual proximity to the stars. You city folk rarely get a chance to dwell on astronomy as your stars are hidden en masse behind an oxygen rich atmosphere and light pollution, leaving your constellations to be crude dot-to-dots, with rarely more than a numeric order past 15 or so, though it may span the sky to complete the image.
it is worth the lack of oxygen to feel closer to something, visually, even if it is really no more than a micron on the scale of things.
love to all,
m |
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judasobscuriat's journal
cheerful
enraged
pissed off
lookin' at you, kid.
ambivalent and unfinished
groggy
semi-stranded, semi-held
flabbergasted